Lived Experience from ViaMar Health Alumni and Their Families
By: Heather Niemas and Julia Giltner, Director of Alumni Services, ViaMar Health
The holiday season can be a time of joy and celebration, but for many in eating disorder recovery, and their families, it can also be overwhelming. Moments that are meant to be exciting and festive can instead feel stressful and triggering, sometimes bringing out eating disorder behaviors and the urge to withdraw.
We understand. As alumni and family members of the ViaMar Health Alumni Program, we have been there too. Some days the holidays are exciting, and some days they are just hard. We have learned that support, connection, self-compassion, and having a community behind us with shared experiences can make a big difference navigating the holiday (and any) season.
In this post, we are sharing 10 strategies recommended by our alumni and their families for navigating the holidays. Our lived experience offers guidance and hope for anyone preparing to move through the season with intention and care.
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Create Your Game Plan Together
Talk through holiday plans, meals, and traditions with your family before the day arrives so expectations are clear. Share what feels supportive, what foods feel manageable, and where you might build in some flexibility. If the “usual” traditions don’t feel great this year, adjust them or create new ones that support where you or your loved one is in recovery.
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Embrace Imperfection
Holiday gatherings can feel messy or uncomfortable, and that’s normal! Not everything is going to go as planned. Friends and family (especially if they haven’t seen you in a while) may not fully understand your recovery—and that’s okay. Focus on your progress, use your tools, and step away when needed.
Remember perfection isn’t the goal. Recovery means letting go of all-or-nothing thinking and allowing yourself to step back into life with more freedom and flexibility. Set small goals and remember to celebrate your successes along the way. There are no small wins in recovery!
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Find Your Safe Spot
During meals and gatherings, choose a spot at the table or in the room near family or friends who help you feel grounded and supported. If it helps, let this person know ahead of time that you are choosing to sit near them because it is comforting. During the meal or event, they might not even have to do or say anything different. Silent support is a thing, and is often just what we need in these overwhelming moments.
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Wear What Works for You
This might not be the year for matching holiday pajamas and coordinated outfits. Bodies change size and shape in recovery and clothing can be a tricky thing. Size-free alternatives like matching socks, hats, cozy blankets, or fun personalized items (like wrapping paper, socks with someone’s face on it, or custom family ornaments) let you keep the holiday tradition without added stress.
Same goes for gift giving. Consider gift cards for your loved one’s favorite store or choose non-clothing items like experiences (concerts, movies, classes) to focus on joy and connection rather than the stress and worry that what you picked out will be triggering.
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Keep Snack Options Available
Keeping a variety of snacks on hand helps reduce food anxiety and gives you flexibility throughout the day. Holiday meal times don’t always line up with your normal routine, so having easy-to-grab options that fit your meal plan can take the stress off of “what to eat.” The goal is to stay present; to enjoy the holiday moments, company, and making memories, not stress about food exchanges and timing. Don’t forget to incorporate seasonal favorites as well as your “go-to” snacks! Remember to always consult with your dietitian and team to determine what is best for you.
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Meaningful Moments Together
Holiday fun does not always have to include food! Planning activities for after meals (or anytime in the day) can help shift the focus away from what is on the plate to being present. This can help you stay connected with your family and loved ones. Try things like family board (or video) games, walks, volunteering together, or crafts to create meaningful memories not centered around food.
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Create an Exit Strategy
Have a simple signal or phrase that lets you or your loved one step away from a meal, conversation, or activity when needed, no questions asked. Knowing you’re not “stuck” can take a lot of pressure off and ease anxiety. Later, you can talk with a loved one or therapist about what led you to take a break, whether it was something minor or a deeper feeling that came up.
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Use Tools That Strengthen Recovery
Re-visiting your recovery toolbox ahead of time can make holiday events feel more manageable. Try some coping techniques like journaling before the event, focusing on your breath, or using the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. You can also create affirmations like:
- “I’m allowed to enjoy this meal and these moments.”
- “I’m more than a body and the comments people may make.”
- “That’s an interesting thing to say out loud” (one of our favorites).
It may also be helpful to think through some potentially triggering situations ahead of time so you feel more prepared if they come up. And remember: you are allowed to redirect uncomfortable conversations, take breaks, and remind yourself: “I deserve comfort, safety, and compassion.”
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Stay Present; Pace Yourself
The holidays can be a lot. Try to stay grounded in the moment, but if things become overwhelming, give yourself permission to slow down or find some time for yourself. Take a few minutes in a quiet room or step outside, breathe deeply, and feel your feet on the floor. Remind yourself you’re safe and that recovery is built on small, steady steps. Breaks are healthy (and necessary) and offering yourself grace and compassion will make the day easier to navigate.
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Stay Connected to Support
Staying connected to your support system is even more important during the holiday season. Find a family member, friend, peer, or sponsor to check in with throughout the day. Consider attending extra support groups or meetings as they can help keep you grounded and focused on your recovery. Many 12-Step groups such as AA, NA, and EDA often increase the number of available meetings during the holiday season, and organizations like The National Alliance for Eating Disorders offer many virtual and in-person options that can be especially helpful during this time.
Final Thoughts: Compassion First
The holidays can be amazingly beautiful and they can be hard; it isn’t an either/or situation. What the ViaMar Health Alumni and families have shared is that experiencing the holidays with compassion, connection, and a plan that continues to support recovery is far more important than striving for the “perfect” gift, meal, or family experience.
These strategies remind us that we don’t have to navigate this season alone or without recovery tools. With honest communication, willingness to change or adjust traditions, and courage to take breaks and ask for support, this holiday season can become not just manageable, but truly meaningful.
Wherever you are in your recovery journey, or in supporting a loved one, we hope you feel connected, supported, and understood.
